some times your just better off alone.its not easy being alone.but if your able to have peace in your life and not feel like your under stress all the time your better off alone.hubby was home since some time in sep.he came home cause he said he loved me and wanted to come home.so I gave him another chance.I told him he had to stay on his pills if he did come home.and he promised he would.but he stopped shortly after coming home and had to get back on them cause he was going back to the problems he had before.well then he did it again and I finely said he had to leave becuase it was getting too weird for me.I had said if he wasn,t going to keep his promises then he would have to leave.the church we went to prayed for both of us.I felt so good after,but he didn,t seem to get much from it.I did all I knew to help him.but he said God told him he was healed and could stop taking the pills.now I said ok if God told you then in a few days I will see that things are good and know that you in fact are healed.but if things get strange again then your going to have to leave.I said is that ok with you?he said yes.so when it got wierd again I said you need to leave.he went home to live with his family.he has more suport there cause there are more of them then me.he can work in his mom,s garden and he has the church down there and people he knows.and the doctor who was seeing him is there.they wouldn,t help him here.so Iam alone again but feel its the best for both of us.some times people aren,t able to live together for reasons even they don,t understand.he is a sweet guy but this thing he is going though is way beyond what I can handle.and it wasn,t good for eather of us.things happen in those cases that are scary and one of the people have to use common since.so I feel the Lord helped me see it was not working and some one needed to make a desition before some thing did happen.when some one needs help and can see it then they can get the help they need.but if they refuse to addmit they need help and blame it on every thing but the problem then its best to step away.some people have stayed with people and ended up losing their life because of it.its wise to do what you have to before its too late.when someone is not thinking right they say and do things they don,t really mean.but its not good to be around them.for some reason I wasn,t doing what he thought I should be doing.and this made it very hard to be around him.it was a battle and I could no longer take the way things were.when he at lest took his pills there was some form of balance.but even then it wasn,t right.it was scary and hard to deal with.the mind is a funny thing.when its working right its good,but when it isn,t its not good.so I have desided to go on alone.I know the Lord is with me and will help me.its hard to think that the person who I loved is not going to be here and that I ain,t able to be wth him anymore.but its best to face the truth and go on.I did all I was able to do for him.I got him to sign up for help from SSI and called the places he needed to talk to.gave his family the info and now I hope he will follow up on it so he can get help.but it is no longer up to me.some times you have to just let the Lord deal with people.so as I did all this I put it in the Lords hands.life isn,t easy and things come along that you don,t understand.but you can trust the Lord Jesus to help you.some times you just have to do what you think is best for some one you love even if they don,t see it or understand at the time.I have to live and go on to.Iam able to stay here and do my blog and feel ok in my own home.this is the only place I have.I need peace and to feel ok about myself.the hubby kept saying we were not on the same level.well what level is that?he wouldn,t say.it was like he was in a compation with me.but I couldn,t tell for what.we are both christian and love the Lord.but he felt we were suposed to go running all over talking to every one.but the problem is you need to let the Holy Spirit lead you,or you can drive more people off then to the Lord.I find the Lord leads people to you and makes a way for a open door so they recieve what you say.this is how He has delt with me.people will come up and talk behind me about their needs and I pray about it.that is how the Lord worked with me.my hubby had a way of beating me over the head with the bible.he ment well but it was condemnation at the end.but he couldn,t see that.thank God I went to some people for prayer cause they seen what was going on and said it was a spirit of religon working on him.I was glad to see there was a reason for what was going on.before that I was confused and didn,t know what the heck was going on.any way that helped me to see what was going on and helped me to act acordingly.the paster said to just not talk with hubby about the bible.well it helped for a while but then it got weird again.so for the last few days he was here I had to go away to get away from him.I went out to lunch with the lady at the church.it was so good to just be able to talk with someone who wasn,t hiting you over the head with the bible,or telling you you weren,t right with the Lord.or you weren,t doing enough for the Lord.then I went out to my daugthers for the day.it was nice.this mess has been too much for me!!! that is why I haven,t been on the blog.I said I would tell you how the Lord helps me though the problems I have and so I will.so this is what is going on in my life.some may say yes Iam cuting and running.well no I am facing facts and trying to make the right chioces only time will tell.but I know I have asked God for the help to do what is best and I feel for now this is the best thing to do for both of us.thanks for reading and if you would please keep us in your prayers.hubby really needs your prayers cause he is having the most problems right now.me I have the Lord and his comfort and that is my holding grace.God bless you all..