some times I feel like a turdle.

have you ever wondered why your here?or if there is even a reason?well that is what I was thinking last night.things are soo weird in this world every one is scared cause of the signs of the times and all this weird crap going on.sin and murder and just plain perverted stuff going on.you wonder what the heck will happen next.you hope your family and the people you know will not be touched. by the just plain stupid things in the world.you think do I have a reason for being here?you wonder if your at all important?then you think yah "me " important.what a laugh!!!life goes on with out the best of us.you do the best you can and mess up any way.you do the things you think you should and end up falling on your face.you help people and they turn around and say that they did it all.you do the best you can to be any thing and end up failing any way.I remember the story of the turdle and the hair.it was pretty cool.it told about a rabbit who was self abzorbed and thought highly of himself.and a old slow good for nothing turdle.and this race.now the turdle desided he would give it a try and race the young hair.he figured it would be the rabbit who won any way cause he was fast and after all the turdle was old and slow.but he was up for the chance to see what he could do.so early the next morning the old turdle and the hair,stood on the starting line.the rabbit with self pride oozing out stood and looked down his nose at the old turdle.the old turdle just smiled and when the gun went off the turdle took off frist.he slowly crawled over the line heading for the finish line.the rabbit lay down and rested.he talked to the people and he payed little if any attention to the old turdle.the turdle just kept slowly moving along eye on the finish line.but the rabbit was not worryed at all.he knew in his heart the race was his.so he desided to take a snooze just 20 feet from the finish line and when the turdle came by the rabbit would jump up and cross the finish line in front of him.so he ran ahead of the old turdle and lay down under a tree and fell asleep.the old turdle just kept moving along and doing his thing enjoying the day.and as he crossed the finish line he was amazed.his friend the rabbit was still sound asleep under the tree.the rabbits pride sunk his butt,and the turdles joy in life and just plain willingness to try got him to the finish line. I want to be like the turdle.I want to enjoy the race and see what I can do.if I win I win if I lose I lose.at lest I got in the race.that old turdle had alot working against him.but he had some thing the rabbit didnt.he had guts,and the rabbit over looked that.the turdle didnt think much of himself and the rabbit knew it.he tryed to use it against the turdle.but he forgot one thing.dont count out the under dog they will jump up and bite your berrys if you dont look out.the devil thinks for some reason I will lay down and die.I get low as a snakes belly in a well at times.but if you kick me when Im down I get pissed and get my second wind.and the old fool just keeps on pushing and kicking tell I raise with the Lords help and kick the snote out of him.the funny thing is you would think he would learn.but the Lord says he is dumb. and in my walk I have seen it more and more.why am I here ?who knows!all I know is Im.one time the Lord told me in my prayer time ,that he was going to use me.I thought good I would like that.but then he said this."I will use you to tell others what they dont want to hear.and you will get in trouble for it.but be faithful cause it has to be done.if you dont they will not hear it cause people are afarid to tell them the truth. yah like I wanted that!!!!who wants to be a bad news barer?well its gotten me in some deep doo.and I get sick of it.I had to get after mom a few times for things to get her back on her feet.she would get mad and get her fight back and show "me" as she put it.and today had to tell hubby to sign up for the SSI for himself.but he dont want it.he feels God should heal him the way he wants Him to heal him.so pride is getting him in trouble to.the Lord said in my prayer time that "how can I help people who will not liston?I put ways to help out there.but people refuse to take it,tell they know more of their rights and then I can do more.its hard to tell people what they dont want to hear.it was hard for me to hear I was able to say things like they are instead of kissing butt.or lieing.but it dont make life easy. I would love to be still and not say nothing.just do like others and smile and say OOOO.and then talk about it behind your back. you stay so much safer.but if you are told to say something to some one for the Lord you dont get away with keeping your trap shut.I hate sleepless nights tosing and turning.so I finely do it.if in fact it is the Lord.some times I get tee,d off and say things or say things when I m having problems and dont think when doing it.get that from my mom,s and Dads side of the family.but when its from the Lord I know it.and I dont feel like doing it.I heard about a family who have a daughter who has the same mess hubby has.the poor family was run ragged and at their wits end.well finely to save them going down with her they needed to put her in her own apartment.her problems had contraled the family for years.finely the girl had to deal with it on her own with those who knew how to deal with it.life can be hard but it comes down to the peace and lack of stress in the home and family.I pray soon I can be able to do some thing diffrent for the Lord.like tell people good news about them selves all the time.but aint change since he told me.so guess I aint out of the dog house yet.O yes it works for me to.He tells me things I dont want to hear to.and he dont beat around the bush eather.but he also dont let those he is trying to speak to brush it off.He uses ones conscience. thanks for reading.