I am back.

I been to the mountain to be with the Lord.I needed to get away and pray and work things out.but you cant live up on the mountain tops forever.cause its in the valleys you become closer with the Lord.the mountain is lovely and the view maybe breath taking.but as lovely as it is you cant grow there.you may be able to see for miles but you cant stay there forever.the valley is where the friut grows.

arent these little guys cute?

sorry its been so long.but I been busy and just didnt get the time to post.

this has been a long dry time for me.just could not get in the grove and write.seemed like I had nothing to give.felt empty as a kemps chocolate milk when you suck every drop from the bottle.

it wasnt that I didnt do anything or have fun.or even have things to put on in picture form cause I do.I just couldnt bring my self to post.I didnt feel in side I had any thing to say that would be of any help to any of you.and I hate to just spout useless words.so I would look at the computer and say Lord I have nothing to help them with.and Id feel so empty.

one day I said Lord if you dont help me Ill just stop altogether.

and as I spent time with him I begain to heal.this winter has been a time of rest for me.a time of sheding the old and the past and starting fresh.a time of renewing my spirit and refreshing my emotions.a time of thought and a time of letting go of what needs to go.

I have told you about the two letters the hubby wrote that I didnt answer.just thought it was best to stop and hope he got the hint and moved on.but it didnt work.he sent a letter at valentines.it was a nice letter.but it had the sound of "I know you still care but you need to have me only as a friend."

well Iam not waiting around for him.and he needed to know that.I wrote and told him as nicely as I could.that it was a blessing when he left and I had already moved on and he needed to also.he asked if we could still be friends.

well it would have been nice if he had been one.but he wasnt.every time I needed him he was never there.and when we were married it was worse.so how on earth did he honestly believe we could be anything after this.

so I just told him I was getting the papers and for him to forget he ever knew me.he is the kind who doesnt miss anyone.so it will be easy for him.when I sat down to write the letter it was hard to know how to put it so he would understand.so I asked the Lord to help.

and it flowed out easyly.and as I sent it I felt free.the bond that had held me to him was gone and I was free.I wish him well and hope he finds what he is looking for.but hope he stays single till he is able to love someone more then himself.cause onless he learns to love someone more then himself he will never be able to meet anyone elses needs.

I could have told him all the reasons why we ended as we did but he would never understand or take any of the blame.and I could have gotting mad and told him off so he knew full well why things didnt work.but whats the use?its all water under a bridge that isnt even there anymore.

so its just best to do it this way and move on.I told him "we had what we had,and we lost what we lost."its all there was to say.do I feel sad?

maybe alittle for the people who had something good and let it slip .but it would never have worked cause he was too in love with himself to ever love anyone else with his whole heart.if anyone asked him for the same thing they were giving he ran.cause he was the one who needed all the attention.his needs were more important then anyone elses.

some times if you love you have to let go.if it belongs to you it comes back.if it doesnt it never belonged to you.its never wrong to love.but it is wrong to love when your not loved back."you need to have love to".you need your needs met to.life is far too short to stay with someone who doesnt meet your needs.

I found out something this dry spell.I fall in love with people who do not love me the way I love them.I for some reason dont feel I deserve love.now I dont know why that is.but it must be true.cause every man I have been with, loved something else more then me.first hubby loved the beer more then me.number two loved his ex more then me.and three loved himself more then me.

well you know I have been thinking and the truth is I am worth more then that.I to deserve to be loved.and I have made up my mind to stop looking to men to feel loved.

I know who can meet all my needs and love me like I should be loved,its Jesus.and he is healing me one step at a time.when he said to let the past go and move on with him so I could live.I said Lord I thought I had!!!He said know you only moved on.but you need to see the reason why you are where you are.

and now I see,I looked for treasure in the wrong place.if you want love that will last you need to go to the love that is able to.that is the love of God.

I dont need to be with a man,cause I know I can make it on my own.having a man was only a heart ache and sorrow for me.but now I can live and be who God intended.I no longer need to be worryed about pleasing a man who didnt care anyway.or meeting someone elses needs who didnt care about mine.life is too short.(enough of that now. but needed to fill you in so you knew where I been and where I got out of.)

I was out to see Anna and the guys.I went out for the day and ended staying over night.jake and TJ said your not going home!!!!I said guys I aint got a nighty or clean clothes to where!!!they said who cares we aint going to see ya sleep in the raw!!!!and we will be gone tomorow so we wont smell ya!!!

I said" ish" you guys I cant sleep in the nude!!!!and I dont want to stink.they said their mom was the one who would have to put up with it so they didnt care.and every one laughed as Anna said ewww and giggled.I tryed to go out but Jake was sitting in a chair by the door.so I was stuck.

I am glad they love me yet.a 18 year old grand son who still loves to be with his old Na Na is a treasure.and my 12 year old Jakerbe still loves me to.yes I have good men who love me.they see the good in me.and know I love them.I think my son in law in his own way loves me to.he just likes to pick on me.

thank God for Anna she is my best friend.we went to goodwill and ran around town the two days I was there.I dont know what Id do with out the kids.

some people could care less about family.they invest all their time in out side people.and pay little attention to their family.and then when the family is gone they cry like they cared.no they cry cause they missed out in people who really loved them.my family who love me are my reason for living.

we still have snow here but the grass is showing here and there.the spring pictures I put out on last post, were to help all you snow bond people to hang on spring is just around the corner.we have sun today and its mild.but we may get a cold snape again so I was out to enjoy the 40,s.

we are on the last leg of winter.it will be gone soon.and the call the dove will be heard in the meadows and along the water ways. the warm sun will melt all the ice and snow.and the birds will build nests and raise familys.the leaves will soon come out and we will see a whole new begining.the long snow covered days and nights will only be a memorie.so enjoy this time of rest and a slower time.soon the spring will spend us all up again.

God bless you all and thank you for sticking with me. even when I wasnt able to be here.I will try to comment again soon.I know Iam way behind on reading your blogs.but let me say you have all been in my prayers.have a great weekend and a even better new week.

thanks for reading and God bless you.