View From the Eagles Nest

Matthew 23;24....Luke 13;34.... The joys and blessings of a fat chick in a skinny world. Faith for the journey, hope for the future, the beauty of nature, wilderness roads, life in general, family, the past and present, from the memory of a country girl stuck in the big that I have your attention visit my blog...

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Location: midwest, United States

I'm a follower of Jesus...I Love the Lord!Iam a artist,love to write,I have two grown daughters,4 grand childern.I enjoy traveling.this is my blog and I say what I think.if you dont agree thats dont have to read it.sometimes I deal with so much crap,I feel like a farmer.check out my new blog "willow in the mist."

Monday, April 23, 2007

from little nuts problems grow.

I know I have talked about family tree,s before and how your blessed if you are able to roll far from the tree if its a nut tree.well I have told you I came from a very nutty tree.but praise God I was able to roll fast and far.O I still have problems and aint perfect.and I have to deal with as much crap as my farmer father had to only its a diffrent kind of crap!!! but its still a stinky deal some times.and spreading it isnt the answer.
well I was talking to a friend the other day.and she was saying why do kids blame their parants for the problems they make for themselves?
I said its easyer for them to blame someone else. that way they dont have to take a good look at themselves!!!!!

she said her oldest child was so messed up she didnt know what to do with her.she had two kids and she wasnt married to the father.and she was messing up the kids lives by running around with guys who were losers.she wouldnt do what was needed for the kids.and the mother had tryed for years to help her.but every time she did the child would blame the mother for where she had gotten herself through wrong choices.
she said the reason she couldnt make things work was her familys fault.
the mother said how can it be our fault?we have only baled her out after she got into the mess in the first place!!!we have seen her make dumb choices one after the other and warned her every time it wasnt a wise move.but she would tell us we were just being mean.we didnt care if she was happy or not!! we were just trying to make her do what we wanted her to do.
she would stop talking to us and we would just wait tell the fall came and then she would turn to us.then our help was good enough.but she would blame us for the fall to.if we had only done this or that it would have worked out and she would be happy.

I said your not to blame for the mess she got her self into.she is!!!and you need to step back and let her learn that!!!that is the only thing your to blame for, or trying to fix the messes she gets into.
every time she makes a dumb choice it isnt long before she falls flat on her face.and then she comes to you to clean up her mess.then she see,s you where right but she will not say so.she wants you to take the blame so she is able to feel good about herself.but the problem is she doesnt learn form her mistakes!!!and soon she is right back out there again making new ones.

you need to tell her you love her and wish her well.but your not her care taker anymore.that if she makes a big mess of her life then she has to clean it up.your her family and you love her but from what I see she is wearing you out with her mess.and if you dont take care of the ones who do listen and your wont be there for anyone.

we all love our kids and want better for them then we had.but there comes a time when we cant fix things for them anymore.they need to grow up and see they have kids of their own,and its time to act like it.
some people get married young or run around and live with people.and end up with kids.and they still want to act like teeny boppers yet.but the time for growing up was when the first baby came along.and if there isnt a hubby there to help then you need to be the one to do it!!!a child needs one sane person in the family.

this poor lady was down to her last straw.she was to the point where she was wore out.and she needed some one to tell her to step back.and I did!!!I said I know what your going through.I am a fixer to!!!I was mother and father to my kids too.
and I did them a injustice.I didnt teach them how to make wise choices cause I sheltered them.I didnt let them learn the value of learning from their own mistakes.cause I didnt want them to I was always trying to fix things.I ment well but there comes a time when you need to step back and stop being a mother,and just be a mom.and that calls for saying its time you are potty trained.meaning if your going to mess up then you clean it up!!!!

and its hard to do.cause if your like me its hard to see your kids suffer from their own stupidity.but its the only way they will learn.but what is even harder is to see your grandkids suffer for it.
but if I have learned anything in this life is one most learn form their own mistakes.and if they dont they are doomed to do them again and again tell they do.

now did this lady step back?no she is still cleaning up her childs messes.and its only dragging her down farther.the lady isnt well and is in need of a vacation and rest.but that is far from her.she will keep on doing the clean up and the girl will still blame her.but one day the mother will be gone and then she will see it wasnt her mothers fault after was her fault!!!then she will have to grow up and clean up her own messes.and then she will be just in time to clean up her kids messes.and it will serve her right.cause her kids didnt fall to far from her nut tree!!

its not mean to teach your kids to handle their own choices.its just be sure they are old enough first.if you have done all you know to do and they still are messing up.then its time to do some tough love.step back and say that you love them but you are getting wore out by their bad choices.and get out of it.some people need to drop so low before they learn.

I have cousins who are dumber then a box of rocks.they have done nothing but screw up all their lives.and they have spent time in jail.and so did some of their fathers.they just refuse to learn.but then its time to step away.and it will make them see this is not the way life is lived.if one choses to live like that then they do it can only help someone who wants help.

do I feel sorry for these people?no they chose their own messes.they chose to live like this.they see the mess and feel it.they see the harm its doing to them and their family.but they chose to live it any no I dont feel sorry for them.I feel sorry for Jesus for the price he payed for people who dont care.that is the sadest part.there is help for them but they refuse it.

I feel for the mother who is so wore down she is almost at her wites end.but if she doesnt listen, then I see where her child gets it.this mother most make a wise choice to.she has to say."I love you with all my heart,but I will not let you rip the whole family apart with your mess.I will not clean up your mess anymore."the problem is will she come to her sences soon enough before its too late?

the only one we can blame for our problems is us.we have choices and if we make them we make them.and we are the ones to blame if they blow up in our faces.

Lord knows I have made enough mistakes in my life.and I did my share of blaming others.but there came a time when I learned a hard listen.
it was me who made the choice and I had no one to blame but me.
yes the devil made me do it is funny and people use it all the time as if its a way out.
but its not.
cause when we stand before God and say "the devil made me do it'.He will say yes I know but it still doesnt get you off the hook.cause I made a way so you could be free and you refused it!!!".
one day we will stand before a holy God and we will have no lame things to say to him.all we will be able to say is I plead the blood of Jesus.and he is my savoir and the Lord of my life.all the dumb things I did in my life are covered by the blood of Jesus.and the mistakes I made when I was dumb will roll off me like water off a ducks back.

so yes I grew on a nut tree.but one day I was given the blessing of falling off of it.and I was blessed again to roll fast and far from it.and I recieve a new tree to be under.its called the tree of life.and it grows in heaven.and one day soon Ill be able to see the one who planted it face to face.

have a great week.every one.and enjoy the spring weather.for give me for not commenting on your bogs for now.I been busy and I been seeking the Lords help to move on from a deseret place I been know your in my prayers and thoughts.I pray for you all the time.each night your lifted to the throneroom. and God knows your needs.God bless you all.

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Blogger Kathy Finfrock said...

I don't have anything to add to that. You pretty much said it all and it's the truth. I can see putting out a hand to help someone, but when that person just repeats it over and over again, what's the point? They need to hit rock bottom before they can look up and begin to heal.

2:49 PM  
Blogger audrey` said...

Hi Leann

So well said.
May we encourage others along the way =)

7:25 PM  
Blogger Somewhere Over the Rainbow said...

There's a book called Co-dependent No More..How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. (Melody Beattie)

I read this book as did my mom. My father was an alcoholic, and my husband was an alcoholic, abuser, among many other things.

However, the book isn't about them. It's about ourselves and how to get out of the patter of codependency (taking the blame and cleaning up messes that aren't our fault).

Even if you don't think you need the book, I'd say pick it up and read it. My mom and I have given numerous copies away with so many positive responses.

Tell your friend to pick this book up. And tell her to read it all the way through. Even if she doesn't get "it" now, it'll eventually sink in. It's a good book for everyone...afterall, we're all a little "sick".

Okay, book report rant off. :) (I'm a friend of CheatedastheClouds btw..that's how I got here)

4:18 AM  
Blogger Leann said...

thanks girls for stopping.its always good to see you here.

Kathy I agree with you.God bless you girl.have a great week.

audrey thank you for stopping.God bless you and heal you.have a great week.

somewhere,thanks for stopping .I have heard about that book,yes it would be a good one for me.I take on others problems cause I am a fixer.I dont understand why.and some times I lose my own way cause I dont know how to distance myself from the messes that dont belong to me.thank you for stopping.tell Lloyed hi for me I been so busy I havent had time to comment on anyones for a while.

to are loved and I care for you all.I just have been in a slump.and just havent felt like commenting. feel as I havent got anything to give.God bless you all, Ill be back when I have let the Lord fill my sponge so I can share again.

9:29 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

I am very plesed you have a brand new family tree, may it grow and grow for you.
It is very sad but true what you wote about your friend and her daughter, one sees this happen so many times.
All one can do is pray for guidence for them. That book sounds good that somewhere over the rainbow mentions. Thanks for your visit.
Cheers Margaret

4:26 AM  

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