View From the Eagles Nest

Matthew 23;24....Luke 13;34.... The joys and blessings of a fat chick in a skinny world. Faith for the journey, hope for the future, the beauty of nature, wilderness roads, life in general, family, the past and present, from the memory of a country girl stuck in the big that I have your attention visit my blog...

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Location: midwest, United States

I'm a follower of Jesus...I Love the Lord!Iam a artist,love to write,I have two grown daughters,4 grand childern.I enjoy traveling.this is my blog and I say what I think.if you dont agree thats dont have to read it.sometimes I deal with so much crap,I feel like a farmer.check out my new blog "willow in the mist."

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

up date on Anna,s well...

Anna has a new well with sweet safe clean water...
the man who came to do the well said he didnt know where she was getting her water.and that she should write it down some place.he said"your well was collasped and all that was in it was rocks.and it was bone dry!!!I had to drill down 130 feet before getting to the water table.your well was set at 60 feet..that is 70 feet above the water lady I dont know where the water you were getting was coming sure wasnt this well!!!he said again you need to write this down!!!

Well I know where she was getting the water,from the one who can give water from rocks.
just before Anna called me to tell me about this I had been in my prayer time.talking to the Lord about Anna,s needs.He said "even now Iam meeting Anna,s needs.Iam the one who can give fresh water from a rock..."I didnt know what he meant tell Anna had called to tell me what the guy said.
God is so good.the kids even got a new pump.the guy was going to give them a used one, cause they didnt have the money for new. but when the guy tryed to put it in it wouldnt they have new pump to...
she said the water is good.yes the Lord is good.he can meet all your needs.....
thanks for your prayers...rejoyce with us on the Lords giving Anna a new well,pump,and more faith to know God is faithful....

the past walks away.and I start a new day..

(Farwell hubby....)
the hubby called friday.he started his I am calling to see how you are.and before he was off the phone I was so upset.I had been sick for a few days and just laying low.he said what are you doing?I said laying down.he said I mean do you have anything going?I said what do you mean?he said thought Id come up your way to see how you are doing.
fear gripped my heart.I sat there and just couldnt believe what I was hearing.he was planning on just out of the blue coming here to stay.Hadnt heard from him hardly at all for so long then he figures he can just show up and stay here.
I said "now isnt a good time".(thought no time would be!!!!)
he said he was thinking about being up in my neck of the woods.I thought (what the heck is going on?)but didnt say anything.
he didnt seem like he was doing so good by the way he was talking.and after he started saying things that upset me I just said,
please dont call here anymore.I had to say it three or four times and he just kept saying I love the real you.over and over.
I was thinking this is the real me!!!!
he had said I wasnt the real me.I said well if you mean Iam not the girl who was in love with you then your right.
but Iam no longer in love with you.I care what happens to you and pray you will find the help you need.but Ill never be the girl who loved you again.he kept yelling I love the real you.I said good you keep on loving that girl.but she is gone.

I finely had to hang up with him still yelling that this wasnt who I was in my ear!!!!
once I made up my mind to end it once and for all .I said once more do not call here again.
I had to call for prayer cause I was so upset.the young man on the prayer line was so nice and listoned while I cryed my eyes out telling him what had gone on.he prayed for me and hubby.and as he did the fear and the hurt finely left and a peaceful comforting mood moved in.
few days later my sister in law called to say that hubbys grandma wasnt very fact she had been sick for a while.she said she wasnt exspected to go on to long.Hubby was going to leave with his grandma so sick...
and I just couldnt figure what was going on with him.
then just yesturday the sister in law called me to say grandma had gone home to be with Jesus.she said "she was going home to be with her mom and family".we talked a while and she had to go.
I called later that day to find out my mother in law has had her hands full.she had been with grandma and her sister at their mothers side as she passed away.she said grandma went easy.and she had everything ready for the girls for her passing.all her afairs were in order.list for every one to call.every thing right down to the T...

I told her that was a blessing.and grandma knew she was going to leave agreed.
then I asked to speek with hubby to tell him I was sorry to hear his grandma passed.
but mom said he isnt here anymore.he took off on sat and didnt come home.he had gone to his other grandma,s place and nearly drove her up the wall.she was about to call the police to get him to leave.she was so upset by how he was acting.
finely he left but didnt go home.he was seen walking way in another small town a long way from where his car was (still near his grandma,s).
the police had called to say they had seen him still walking that night.
finely he most have walked back to his car and moved it to another place.and walked to another town.the police seen him again.and finely picked him up and brought him home.he was out of it mom said.he would just mumble and hum.
she left to go be with grandma.and stayed over night at her sisters place with they could be close to grandma,if need much as they could.
next day she stopped back in to see if he was ok.but he was gone again.she called home to find out later he was back in the hospital.she said she will not let him come back there.she said she cant take it no more.
and boy do I understand.she has her hands full with all the other stuff.
guess hubby had stopped taking his pills again.hadnt been eating and wasnt sleeping eather.and he was sun burnt bad.the days he had walked were very hot.
so Iam so glad the Lord warned me to not let him come and to hang up on him.
as soon as I can I will do the paper work.I need to be free from this.and the only way to do it is to undo the marriage.that way he will move on to.
if he cant go back to his mother and fathers place I do not know where he will go.
I feel sorry for him.but he brings some of this on himself.he refuses to keep taking the pills that keep him at lest stable.
but he feels its the pills that cause the problems.
but he is too stubbern to liston.

the 22 of june Ill be going to my son in laws to house sit for him.this is the room Ill be sitting in.the view is
pretty from the windows.
the picutre below this one shows you the farm Ill be staying at.only problem is its going to be dam HOT!!!
90,s!!!! and I do not like the heat..
he has only small air.and it will be in the window next to me.wish I could take my air with but of these days I am going to get my self one of those ones that you can move around easy.cause some people still think its ok to sweat like a pig and feel sick.and not use air.well if the weather keeps gettng hot I need my air.

this is my oldest grandaughter walking down her drive was a lovely day that day.the clouds were showing a storm was on the way.I took this picutre cause it was so pretty with the clouds and her walking with her hair blowing in the wind.

I have been sick for a few days and just didnt feel so good.just layed around and got my strength back.had a bad couph.that zapped my energy,and low grade fever to go with it.
so sorry I havent been on here but I just didnt have the time and the energy.
this will be the last post for a while till I get back.I was going to take the computer,but its just one more thing Id have to drag it stays here.Ill write about my trip and take pictures while there.
hope all of you are doing good.I will not be able to comment on your blogs tell I get back.
I just havent the time or the energy back please bare with me tell I get back then Ill up date you.

For now have a very nice summer,and your all in my prayers.please pray for me as well that I dont melt into a puddle and disapear.
Ill see you again soon,arould the 29 or 30th...
tell then God bless you all and keep you safe in the palm of his hand.
pray also for my in laws and the things they will be going through sence grandma,s passing.
also pray for hubby cause unless he gets his act together he is in for a real hard time again.this is the 5th time,
in 3 years he has been in the hospital for this...
thanks for your prayers and your love.

Your friend Leann...
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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Fall,cooler weather,broken hearts and broken cup,s and fresh water.

Here are some fall sences to cool off those of us who need it!!!Gods built in air condishner, cool lakes and the north woods...
give me a cool lake and a cabin in the fall,and Id be in heaven.

I hate hot weather.and I am already looking for fall.the air running in my ear so I cant hear TV.the having to stay in cause its so dam hot.gets to me.I cant take the makes me sick.I use to be able to stand it but no more.winter looks good every time the heat and moggys come to our state.give me 5 feet of snow and cold winds any day instead the hot and isnt fit out for man or beat today.I pitty the poor animals who dont have shade or owners who make sure they have would be hell out without water and shade today!!!!

I am feeling under the weather today.I didnt feel so good when I went to Anna, chest feels like a horse is sitting on it.and I have a cough.wish I could just lay down and sleep.but then I wouldnt be able to sleep tonight.I am just so sleepy.I guess I may be running a low grade fever.guess Ill have to take a asperin.

sorry Iam in a crummy mood today but we had some bad news "again"!!!!Anna has been having some water problems.and we didnt know for sure what it is.
you think maybe its just that the pressure tank is full of sand.or that there is some thing the screen needs to be blowen out.
but then you wonder O no Lord not to redrill the well!!!
no one knows any thing who comes out.they give you a song and" O we can do this and that".and of corse it will cost you money you dont have...two diffrent guys came out and neather knew his butt from his elbow.and of corse charged 75.oo just for showing up and talking a good game.of corse when each left there was still no water and no Idia what the blue blazes was wrong.

poor Anna has been hit with nothing but crap this year.every time she turned around some dang thing needed fixing.the frig the truck,and more that slips my mind now.all on top of the other crap in the family.
so they are going to try one more thing and hope it works cause the kids do not have the money for a new please pray for them.

we know at times like this its up to God to meet the needs.I learned that a long time ago."when your up against a wall and you have no place to go cause you cant go over or under or need to trust God to help you blast right through.I been in those places more then I like to remember.and this is one of those times.
she has no water for any dishes,washing clothes,flushing the potty,showers,zip!!!so girls you know she needs your prayers.when a woman cant do her work she gets alittle upset.and this poor girl is in tears...she had had her fill of hard times and is about to have a hissy fit..I am real sure if she could get her hands on the devil and his bad times she would give him a reason to hate the name Anna.and Id help her kick the snot out of him.and I do with prayer!!!
and on top of that all its hotter then hello,and they are unable to use the air cause they are so trapped for cash.and Tj the oldest grandson is like me he cant take the heat...
I feel bad cause Iam as poor as a church mouse and dont have money to help them.but I know the Lord does.

hubby called took me by surprise.I was doing ok tell then.he was havin a good day he said he wanted me to know that "I had done so many nice things for him when we were still together,that I had been good to him.that he wanted me to know I was special and not to let my mind to think other wise..he said we needed to not lose that.

yes I was good to him,and I did do good things for him and stuck by him.and loved him with all my heart.but when he left me and ran off and didnt care to even check to see if I was alive or dead for 6 months.he not only walked out the door he walked out of my heart.
I need some one who is there for me to.some one who would give me back what i gave out.some one who loves me!!!SOMEONE WHO CARES AS MUCH TO GET MY NEEDS MEET AS, I care to get their needs meet.some one who doesnt fold and run when the going gets hard.
I didnt have the heart to tell him ,what we had is already gone long died when he left.and when he left my heart would never trust a word he said again.or ever trust another man with it as long as I live.
I thought of writing to him and explaning the truth to him.seeing he doesnt seem to understand just what he throw away.but it wouldnt do any good.I dont want revenge or to hurt him.I just dont have that person in me who loved him any more.that girl is long gone.she died the day he walked out the door.and she had to, to servive.

my heart has had way too many times of being smashed on the floor.way to many times of being thrown away like so much trash on trash day.and I will not let my self be hurt again by any one.
the first man I was married to put booze before me and his family..the second one put two other women,his ex and the one who broke them up..and hubby put himself and his eye candy and his fantasys,before me.

I use to think it was the men who were to blame.but now I think its me..I just have real bad teast in men.I pick people who really dont love me.and they dont care about me eather.they see the good in me but its not good enough for them to stay with me forever.

I have loved men and did every thing I knew to be a good wife and it was all a big wast of time.nothing I did i have desided to save my self and some one else the pain.I will stay single from now on.

the Lord is my hubby now.he Loves me as I am and will never leave me.he see,s the good in me and the beauty and I dont have to try to make him love me or fear he will stop loving me and run off.I know he will be with me forever.

I tryed one more time to find some one who could love me and I could love and be with the rest of my life.some one who would love to share my life with me.but I ended up with the same thing only in a diffrent a human man I come in second best every time.and some times farther down the list then that.
this last time I did every thing I knew to do.and I prayed for the Lords help as well to be a good wife.but I just need to understand no matter how much you try.some times you fail any way.and its best to cut your loses and move on.and its best to move on alone.

I do not believe any more that there is some one out there for me!!!I use to have this feeling from the time I was old enough to remember,that some where was a person just for me.some one who would love me and want to be with me the rest of my life.some one who I could give my heart and love to and not be afraid.some one who would value me and my love.but the only one who ever met those things was Jesus.everyone else failed....
its easy to love others.but its dam hard to find some one to love me...

I have seen some thing that is very who treat women like queens end up with a woman who cheats on them.and woman who treat men good end up alone.
I have seen men who give their wives every thing,bend over back wards and do every thing to make them happy.his faithful and kind and likes to do romantic things for them. comes home every night at the same time.and is as trust worthy as can be. dont hang out in bars.or flert with every thing coming down the pike. the woman runs off with some johnny come lately.

I have seen women who are faithful and love their husbands and keep the home neat as a pin,tells him he is still handsome even if he has a pot got.and still wants him to feel good about himself.sticks by him come hell or high water.and is a good wife.and every chance the jurk gets he is eather eyeing up women or making his wife feel like chopped liver.saying he dont deisre her like he use to cause she has put on alittle pounds.even thow bubba has also put on a tire around his belly.and sure as heck dont look like the guy she married.

I come to this "people are screwed up"!!!!!!

God should put the good men with the good women who will be faithful and the people who will treat them good.
and the other ones let them have each other....
but I see people who get their heart broken every day by people who cant be a good hubby or wife.and its christians just as much as sinners who mess up...

all I know is I dont want to be hurt no more.I feel as if my life here is about to change for the better or slowly head to home.I aint no spring chicken any more.and no great beauty not even close.and all I did have to give has been used up long ago by people who didnt value it to begin with.
I use to love to cook and bake and be a good wife.when hubby walked out all that left.I could care less now to cook yummy tasty meals.for just one who cares.I liked to think Id have a home of my own and some one to share it.well I dont have eather...
all I want to do is be happy and its been a dam long time sence I can honestly say I have been....
I know I sound like a winer!!!well too bad!!!!I am tryed of the bull...I need my needs met to.I pray for people all the time.I watch the news and see hurting people and I pray for them.I go on the blogs and read between the lines and see the pain and hurts and cover up,s and I pray for them....
but now I need my needs met...I need to be happy cause I cant stand this saddness any more.I need a new start.and reason for being here.a reason for looking forward to the future.a future of good not evil to give me a hope and a future.
and only God can do it.I know I will not make it with out his help...
I needed to vent cause if I dont Ill emplode...
I dont blame hubby he just isnt the one..he tryed real hard.but you cant make some one love you if they dont...and if we belonged to gether in the first place we would still be together.nothing or no one could have split people up who belonged together.if a man loves a woman he does every thing to make sure her needs are met.if he doesnt he doesnt care about her.and if he doesnt it will not work.
and if the woman doesnt do all she knows to keep things together then they didnt belong together.we both tryed and it was just a lost dream..the good wasnt good enough and the bad just killed what was goes,faith gets low.soon there isnt any thing to hold the love and its over.and its time to face the facts.what you had is gone.what was good has been washed away.and now all that remains is to move on and find happyness some place else...
and for me where that place is I dont know.all I know is I dont go alone .I have the one who has always been by my side.who has always loved me and thought I was valueable. one who was proud when I took a picture that was good enough to sell.looked at the paintings and drawings I did and said they are great.not looked and said nothing.he has always made me feel wanted and loved. always been here for me.with out him Id have given up long ago.
Jesus you are the one who is always here for me.I need you and your love more then any thing this old world has to offer.
take my hand Lord and show me where from here.cause I am alittle weak from the journey,and alittle tired from the battle..I need you to carry me for a while tell I can once again stand on my own...

thanks for reading.
some times its best to clean the cup so it can be refilled with fresh water...
my cup not only needed cleaning it needed to have a hole cant fill a cup if its broken....Lord fix me and fill me up so I can be a worthy vessle again...matthew 15;14. luke 6;40 james 1;5 john 16;13 john 16;14-16 2 samuel 22;33...proverbs 16;3...
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Saturday, June 09, 2007

some thing to think about.

alot of posts today.check out the name of the doll at the end...

Psalm 37;23 My steps are ordered by you Lord,and I delight in going your way!

Psalm 32;8 Lord,you promise that you will instruct me and teach me in the way that I should go.with your eye,you will guide me!

Psalm 73;23-24you are continually with me,you hold me by my right will guide me with your counsel and afterward,receive me to glory!

Psalm 119;105Lord,your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

on the way home from Anna,s..

on the way home from Anna,s by the hills a big eagle was soring on the up drafts.he circaled over me and back over the trees.he was so pretty in the afternoon sun.I watched him for a while and then drove on and saw him in rearview mirror once in a while as i went on my way.he was still circaling the road by the hill.he may have seen something for supper.
this is not a picture of camera was dead so couldnt get a shot.this is one i seen before last winter.

Well hope all of you are having a good weekend.I just called Anna,s on her cell.she said they were fishing.she caught a fish and lost it,then her hubby fixed her pole and she went to fishing again and snagged the other fish she just lost and got her bobber and line back.
I said tell your hubby to take you along more often and he wont lost so much of his stuff cause he can have you snag it back.
it reminded me of the guy in the bible who lost a barrowed hammer.and the prophet throw a branch in the water and the hammer flooted to the sarface...
God loves his kids and wants them to prosper in all they do.and if ya lose some thing and feel bad cause it belongs to some one else he helps ya get it back!!!and as i listoned to poor Anna she said hubby has to fix my pole all the time.she was feeling it was taking away from his fishing the Lord was trying to teach them both a lessen.
if you love each other and work together Ill replace what the devil trys to steal from you.and nothing will be imposable for you!!!
Well I hope this post finds you all enjoying your weekend...and having nice weather to do it.thanks for reading..
and God bless you and keep you safe in his care always..
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trip to Anna,s for few days.

I went out to Anna,s.she found out I was having a hard day and she asked me to come out and visit while she moved her Iris,s.they were over grown and she needed to dig them up and move some.I would have had more pictures but the camera battery went dead and all the others needed charging.her garden was so pretty.but the Iris wasnt doing so good cause they were packed like teens in a vw.

this is some of the wild flowers by the park.they were so pretty in the grass.I just had to take a picture.

this is more of Anna,s garden.she does so good planting her flowers in her yard.she got the little chair at a sale.doesnt it look good there?her humming birds are busy at her flew by me as i sat watching Anna move her flowers.the poor kid ended with so many she didnt have room to replant them all.she places some down by the road for free.and gave a whole bunch to people around her place.she watched the ones by the road like a mother flower hoping someone would pick her kids.soon some people seen them and one bunch by bunch were picked up and treasured.
Anna was glad..

one day on the way out I seen these chives in a field.its was only up the road from Anna,s place.they are some times seeded by birds,or the seeds blow into places where no one wants them.these where going to be plowed up any way so I told Anna to get them before they disapeared.they are the ones in the lower middle of the picture.the color isnt as good.the lighting was bad and my battery was just about to poop out on me just as I took this picture.
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name for the doll

{Savannah Gloria}
that name was given by mountain mama..
and i think it fits my doll very well..
thanks mountain mama for the wonderful name for her..

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Saturday, June 02, 2007

some thing to think about.

there are some pictures below the long post,so check them out.

the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts..
but I added this"unless the desires of our hearts arent good for us!!!"

a day without Jesus is like a flower with out its blooms..

big foot siteing .....

miss Big foot and little teddy bear siteing in northern midwest county.
early thursday morning sheriff winslow of bear creek county said he was driving along a country road when he seen miss big foot and a little bear sitting in a house together.the home is owned by some friends of his who were he desided he better check it out.
shreiff winslow with gun drawn walked up to the house and pecked in the window.little bear and miss big foot were changing channels on the tv trying to find some thing to watch.little bear said he wanted cartoons ,racing or wild kingdom..

miss big foot said she wanted the home shopping channel or christain tv..or furry hunks..
sheriff winslow stood out side the window dumb founded as he listoned.
little bear was mad cause he said he didnt like the nail polish miss big foot had on.he said he would be ashamed to be seen out side with miss big foot...miss big foot said she needed to have the red toesnails so she could hide in the strawberry patch and eat...
little bear said he didnt mind the color of the polish as much as he hated the razer sharp toenail on the left foot.
miss big foot said being a hot chic she needed it for protection.if anyone tryed to attack or hurt her she could stick out that sharp toe nail and do some major damage on their person!!!
little bear said it sounded like a good plan to him.
poor sheriff winslow didnt know if he should arest the two or just chase them he called his friends who own the house, to see what to do.
the lady of the house said it was ok to leave them in the house.that she often had to ask miss big foot to watch little teddy bear.she said that he was their little dog and only looked like a little bear.
sheriff winslow feeling alittle ashamed said he didnt know big foot made house calls.
the lady of the house said O yes any time I need to have some one watch the house and little teddy bear miss bigfoot comes on the double..
we only need to serve pizza or chocolate and miss big foot is there.
why just yesturday miss big foot had me polish her toes so she could go eat strawberrys with out being seen.
sheriff winslow said he was sorry for calling his lady friend at work..and he would be going now.he said he would talk to her later.he had another report he had to follow up on.
this has been the first big foot siteing in bear creek for a long time.and the very first miss big foot siteing.
this reporter asked the sheriff what he felt when he saw the big foot..
sheriff winslow said he didnt feel safe knowing that bigfoot could hurt people with just one swipe of her toenail.he hoped that this big foot was gental.

bear creek is a nice little commuity and this siteing of big foot has caused a stir in the county.bigfoot hunters from all over the country have come to bear creek to see if they can site one.the mayor Anna Brinkman says its good for our little village.
sheriff winslow is not too sure.because he has been getting complants from local stawberry growers in the county..they say that in one night strawberrys that were ripe were gone by the next morning...
sheriff winslow knows its miss big foot but doesnt know what to do.he said he is thinking of leaving pizza and chocolate candy near his friends home where he frist seen miss big foot.then maybe he can catch miss big foot.but he is afraid she may injur him with her sharp toenail if he gets her in a trap..
this reporter thinks its best to let strawberry eating big feet alone.
Well kids I just had to do that.its been a long time sence I put a big foot siteing on the blog.hope it gave you a chuckle.if you like them or hate them you can vote.if you like them then Ill do more.if you hate them I may do them anyway.but vote any way.
I was as you can see at Anna,s for a few days.I sure needed to get away.had a nice time with them.teddy was busy sitting by me and enjoying him self.Anna and I checked out places near her.I may move if I find a nice ground floor bigger then this one.I love the view here but its getting less and less.cause the trees will be up to the window in a year or two.and my lovely view will be of the tops of tree, I need to find a place I like.
I been praying about it and I believe its getting time to would be nice to get closer to Anna and the family..and get on the ground floor and have a garage to put my van in.winter is getting hard to clean the van off alone.
the one place has a patio and nice yard with flowers and stuff.its ground floor and from out side looks bigger then mine.and has a garage for the van.and has washer and dryer huck ups in the apartment.boy I could handle I have to haul all my stuff down 7 floors to go this place would be what I been looking I need to see if this is the place the Lord has for me .
I would love to move into my own home but at this time dont see if it will be a while then its time to find a stepping stone till the home comes.

I talked to my sister in law the other day.the poor girl most likely wished she hadnt called.I was in a low mood and needed someone to talk to.wish I hadnt talked to her now.but its too late.I hate to talk to people when I am only makes it harder.and I cant really say how I feel cause some of it is because of her I cant say much..I been dealing with alot of the past of the whole thing.
and now that Iam getting better the anger is coming from it all.where first I felt like a failor and hurt and just plan Iam tee,ed off.
I deserve better then what I got.and it tee,s me off to know where I treated him like a treasure and loved him and wanted the best for him.prayed 17 years for him to be free from the life style.
when nitty came to gritty and I needed him.he folded and run off on me.for six months I didnt know what to do to get back on my feet.and when I did finely get almost back on my feet.then he calls and says he loves me and wants to come home.and before that he had left cause he said he didnt love me like he should.well the one month he was back showed me that it was a good thing he had left.cause the one who came back wasnt the one I had loved.and the one I had loved who knows where or who he was!!!
any way I been dealing with this moving on and letting go.and its hard.I dont want to bad mouth him.cause he was some one I loved.but it just makes me so up set some times.I had been waiting for 18 years believing God had someone for me.and then this mess.
its not Gods fault!!!
everyone has free will.and I most likely have really bad taste at picking men.I should have known better then to get married step mom is a wise woman.she said along time ago."why in the "he--"would you want to get married again????you have it made!!!!.
you can come and go as you can cook or not cook,clean or not clean,sleep with out being bugged for sex if ya dont feel like it!!!why on earth would you get married again???and she is smart.
I been married 3 times looking for love.and every time I been treated like crap...I know Iam no prise and look like crap..but I would love to be loved and have someone of my own.but I pick guys who dont value me.hubby was a nice looking guy and younger then me.and he was easy to love at first.but when you marry one man and he disapears and some stranger shows up in his the heck do you stay around.and as long as we were loving the same person"him"we were doing ok.but when he wasnt the center of attention it no longer worked.I feel that hubby needs his family and a whole monteroge of people to get the attention he person could never keep him happy.he needs too much attention.he has to be the bell of the ball.the shining star.the number one can step into the lime light.or he gets alittle to uneasy.

my daugther said she could see it when we were there the last time we were together.he was upset cause he wasnt in the lime light.the kids were talking to me and we were laughing. and she said hubby was not pleased with it, she could see it on his face.
we always made sure he was in on every thing.but for some reason he wanted more.he wanted to be the main one.
I remember when we went down to see the grandgirls.they always use to set by me on the on each side with my arms around them.well when hubby and I got together we sat close.and the girls would take truns sitting next to my left side.well after he left the girls were use to sitting by me when he came back for the month.we were down there.and the youngest girl said can you please move over so I can sit by my grandma.
he was not too pleased.he acted as if she was being un fair.he even made a sound.and when she got up to go to the bathroom he moved back.and when she came back she said can you please move so I can sit by my NaNa..he moved and I said to him whats the matter with you are you lone some or some thing???he just said well we sit togehter.I said I see my granddaugthers very little so I think we can sit like this for a while.I love my grandgirls and they love me.
when he left me they were very mad at him.the youngest one said mommy you call NaNa and tell her to come stay with us we love her..they didnt know why their grandpa would leave..and it was hard to explain.and when they seen him he hadnt been the same person after his break they didnt trust him any more.they still wanted to be able to play with him and talk to him.but he wasnt the person they learned to they were confused and scared.and I dont blame them.cause their NaNa was scared and confused to.
so the man who I love is gone.and someone I dont even know was with me for a while.and I needed to see the man I loved is gone and he isnt coming back..
the great love I felt for the man is gone.and the future I longed for with him is gone.and I need to go on.
the Lord has been my only strength and place of safety.he is the one who helped me see that if you dont give up the past it can draw you back in.
hubby had his own free will.he desided that some of his past was better then what he had with me.and the things we were waiting for from the Lord ,were taking too much time to come to he choose to let some of the junk he was into come back.and its then that the bottem fell out.
so Im getting to the place where its over and I need to get the rest of the emotions out and leave the past behind.hubby is not the man for me.he isnt able to be.

I needed someone who loved me.someone who could see the good in me and the needs I be there for me when I needed a strong shoulder to leen on when my mom died.I needed someone who could be loving and understanding.someone who could value me as much as I valued them.I was there for him tell he left me cause he didnt want to be here.and when he left he not only walked out of my door he walked out of my heart.when he left he stood at the side of my chair while tears ran down my cheeks.and he looked at the view out the window for a long time.then he said I will miss the town and all the lovely spots around here.he said I may go and say good by to them..
when he walked out the door all he said to me was goodby.I thought well guess I see what he really loved.the town the view and the places he showed me then how much i ment to him.I wasnt what he would miss.the place is what he would miss..
he once told me he never missed anyone...I couldnt under stand do you not miss some one you have been with?even when I was divorced form the other two I missed them.I cared what happened to them.I didnt like what had happened but I missed what had been at one time.
well when he left it was six whole months before I heard any thing form guess he dont miss anyone.and I dont need a man who can walk away and never even care if I live or die.I called to ask his mom if he was ok.and she wrote and told me.that is how I cared but he just went into himself and nothing or no one was important but him.
well Iam moving on.and I dont need a person who is too into himself to care about my needs.he told me some men at the church told him he was selfish.and when he told me at first i was kinda mad at them for saying that.but you know they hit the nail right on the head.he is selfish..the only person hubby really loves is hubby.
I wish him well and hope he finds his way.I was hoping we could be friends yet.but why have a friend who could give a crap about you. Im better off letting the Lord find me one who is a real friend.I have had too many of the kind who dont care.

some friends I have called and cared about for years.tryed to stay in touch with.but they never call me in return.they are nice people.and i pray for them.but it seems they dont care if I live or die.for a long time I figured there was some thing wrong with me.some thing i was doing or not doing.but the Lord said one day."if people care really care about you they stay in touch.and if they dont then let them go.and I will replace them with those who do care".and he good friend is better then a whole bunch of bad ones.
Im tired of feeling like Im some bad person or not worth much.people have been able to do that to me for years.well Im not going to take it any more.I have a caring heart and I care about the people I know and pray for them.even if they dont care about me or keep in touch.I still care and pray for them.if they dont love me and care to stay in touch then they arent real friends any way.and Im better off with out them.
I may be fat and not the best looking chic in the world.but Iam valueable.cause the Lord died for me.and if he loves me who cares if no one else does.after all he is a better hubby then any man on earth.and Isaiah 54 says so!!!!and a history with him has proved that to if Iam alone with no hubby then Jesus is my Im never really alone!!!!!
the past is past.its a big mistake I made and I need to move on.and with the Lords help today I do!!!and if God has some thing for me then he can lead me to it.but for now Im no longer someones wife in my heart,only on paper..and one day when the Lord says its time I wont be on paper eather..
thanks for listoning to my ranting.I needed to talk to someone.and lately I find it easyer to talk by its easyer to put it here.
I may have some sister in laws who read this yet.well thats ok.its time I had my say in what went down.and its best if it comes from me .instead of some smiling face who is trying to win your attention back..
the hubby needed his family and now he has them back.he always had to fight to get the attention.and it hurt him more then you know..he is diffrent as you all know.he got into a life away from home that was spoken over him by brothers and school friends for a long time as a kid.yes he liked art,and was soft spoken,it didnt make him what he was called.but it did help to get him to wonder.and that opened the door.its funny how name calling can effect young kids.its one of the reasons there are so many diffrent people who end up in lives they really dont want to be in.only cause those around them didnt understand their being diffrent.and hung a name on them that didnt fit..
Iam diffrent to.Iam not a woman who is danty and lady like.I have had to be stronge in life or it would have run me over.God knew I needed to be stronge to servive.he gave me wisdom to make chooses to help my girls and me.he gave me wisdom to be able to fix things on my own cause he knew I would be alone.he helped me be a mother and father to my girls cause the real father wasnt one.he helped me to pertect my girls.and when I lay down alone after the day was through,and Id cry myself tosleep cause it was all so hard being alone.he held me and loved me!!!!he stood by me just as I was.he told me he would never leave me or forsake me.he was the one who provided
for our needs.he held me all these years when a man wasnt strong enough to.he was my rock and my stronge tower.he is my husband when I have none.and I love him,he is the treasure I been sreaching for all my life.he is the love I looked for in men.
I know now you cant find it in any man but him..they dont have the love only he can give.
thank you Jesus you are the breath of my heart.I will love you all the days of my life.
and I will never look for love where it cant be found again.
the past has showed me that what I looked for in humans is only in you.
and from this day on I will trust only you and your love.
cause I know it will last.....

thanks for reading to all my blogger friends.I know its long and kind of heavey.but its been along time sence I posted.and mainly cause I was geting me back!!!and I had problems finding her for a while.
any way thanks for being faithful on my blog.I know you all have busy lives and blogs of your own.Iam truely blessed to have you as blogging friends.pray that God will heal my heart and help me to move on and grow.cause if I cant make it through the fires and floods in my life.I will not be able to comfort those the Lord sends my way.
so I need to be able to express here in honesty and openess the truth of how God helped me.
some people think its smart to hide their problems.and to cover up family secrets.but to be honest it only gives the devil more to work with.a smart friend once told me"your only as sick as your secrets".
and it is so can people be helped by you if you lie or cover over what God did to help you.
if Iam not willing to tell the truth of the dumb mistakes I make then how is anyone going to see how God helped me.if they didnt know I screw up to begin with???
so I will share with you the ups and downs of my life.and how the Lord gets this old chic out of them.
if by telling you ,I help one person to see Jesus.and learn to see he is faithful .
then I have done something with my life exspet just live it.

Have a great weekend,and hope your all enjoying this lovely weather..
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Im back.

this is one of the treasures I found going to sales.I only payed 25.00 for it.I had wanted one like this for a long time.but being alittle cheap I do not pay big bucks for I finely got one my price.

the flowers are so pretty at Anna,s.I just had to take this picture.

these were at one of the other places I seen on a drive.every thing is green and lush from all the rain.
thank you Lord for all the rain ...
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